Growing old is no bed of roses. Here are a few signs…

Your friends start asking you for recipe. Your neighbors borrow your tools.

You know you're getting old when you quit caring years ago where your spouse was going as long as you don't have to tag along. I'd rather milk a cobra than go shopping. Men don't shop; men buy.

You know you're getting old when the warning to slow down comes from your doctor and not the cops. And you know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

You know you're getting old when the definition of "getting lucky" means two things: 1- You get a really cool parking place (if you don't qualify for the handicapped spot just yet), and 2- When you can actually find my car after you return to the really cool parking place.

You know you're getting old when you getting a little action actually means the fiber is working. And an all-nighter is not having to get up to make a bathroom run.

You know you're getting old when you start repeating all your stories over and over and your kids and grandkids finish them for you.

You know you're getting old when you notice your grandkids are much cuter than other people's.

You know you're getting old when you open childproof caps with a hammer and pliers.

You know you're getting old when the phone rings and you don't bother to answer because you know it's not for you… or you hope it's not for you.

You know you're getting old when you enjoy watching the news. You know you're getting old when you're proud of your lawn mower.

You know you're getting old when your brother is dating someone half his age and it isn't illegal.

You know you're getting old when you start singing along with the elevator music, which is My Girl by the Temptations.

You know you're getting old when your old clothes have actually come back into style.

You know you're getting old when speed limits are no longer a challenge, but getting your coffee is.

You know you're getting old when sleeping until 8 a.m. is your idea of sleeping in.

You know you're getting old when you write thank you notes without your wife having to tell you to do it.

You know you're getting old when you start Christmas shopping in June.

You know you're getting old when you start wearing knee-high black socks with your sandals.

You know you're getting old when you can live without sex but not without your glasses.

You know you're getting old when you rake the yard without being told to do so.

You know you're getting old when you write columns about where buildings used to be and tell stories about how things were during a kinder, gentler time.

God I'm getting old!